


things didn't kill me, but I don't feel stronger

by JaseyRae



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, Freeform, Gen, Grantaire is just really sad, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, but there's hope, really - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 17:32:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5172998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaseyRae/pseuds/JaseyRae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“These days are sneaky, and they stole all Grantaire has achieved. They're thieves, they're murderers.<br/>There is no music, there is no colour.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	things didn't kill me, but I don't feel stronger

Grantaire has always been a man shaped by bitterness.

It is not unusual for him to have dark thoughts. Not really.

But there are those days, _those fucking days_ , where getting up is painful. Where even if he is able to get up and function like a normal human being, there is a stone upon his heart, bringing him down at every step.

These days are sneaky, and they stole all Grantaire has achieved. They're thieves, they're murderers. There is no music, there is no colour.

In these days, there is no sun and no sun god.

In these days, Grantaire feels like a skittish animal, scared by every single sound and action.

In these days, red paintings become black.

He tries to paint, he really does. But everything remind him of his mess of a mind, and the circle starts spinning again.

Hence, he drinks. He drinks, and drinks, and drinks until there is no gravity on this earth, and everything is easy again. He is able to breath once again. He may not be able to think properly, but isn't that the goal? It is pretty pathetic, he thinks.

He goes to a meeting, tries to annoy Enjolras to a certain extent, but even the latter notices that something is wrong with Grantaire. That the dark circles under his eyes are deeper, that his blue eyes are duller.

Sometimes, when those days come and he can't even get out of the bed, Joly and Bossuet come visit him. They feed him, and they remind him that the simple fact that Grantaire is still breathing is crucial to them. That in these days, only this matters. That even if he thinks he is worthless, they will always see the treasure in him.

And just for a moment, that is enough. It lasts just until they are near him, but it is enough. Bossuet will try to make him laugh, and Joly will assist him in every need. They force him to remember that it's okay to feel this way, and he's not alone anymore in this. He's is not seventeen anymore. 

Grantaire remembers that he is not seventeen anymore, and his half-assed attempt to drown himself in the tub is in the past, and should remain there. It reminds him that tattoos are better than fresh cuts on his skin, and that everything is temporary.

Everything changes, he changes.  He is sure he has been changed. And this, he realizes, is more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling pretty bad tonight, and I kinda needed to write something to free my mind.  
> Excuse the shortness, I tried to make it longer.  
> The title comes from the song "If Ever I Stray" by Frank Turner.


End file.
